Time for me ... as a mom this can be a rare event. There are days that some of us don't even have privacy in the bathroom! I am not talking about just being alone. I am talking about taking time out of the day to cherish the time alone and do something for myself.
Yesterday was jam packed. Vivienne to school (which is a 40 minute round trip), with a little detour on the way to drop dessert for my craft night dinner I would sadly be missing, home to shower, back to pick Vivienne up, to my dad's house where he was so sweet & had got us lunch and laid it all out! then off to spend the rest of my busy day in SF (doctor, haircut & work). While driving though downtown I had a pity party for one in my car.
I used to live in San Francisco. Alone, in my own apartment, for 7 years. I loved it. I still love San Francisco, but visiting is not the same as living there. I spent about 10 minutes driving & mourning the loss of my kid free life. As I write this I feel really silly. That was three and a half years ago, you think think those feelings would be long buried, but there they were.
I wonder if every mom feels this way at times & if they do, would they ever admit it? You love your kids, of course you do! But, just as when you have any other life change I think it is OK, healthy, or whatever word you want to use to be able to look back and reflect on the wonderful life you had. It would be only natural, I think, to feel a little sad, right? I would love to hear your thoughts on this!
When I was getting my hair done, my pitty party was over. I thought about being in the moment and boy, do I love getting my hair washed at the salon. I thought about how blessed I am NOW. I may not have all of the freedom that I did (as I type this Chitty Chitty Bang Bang is on, Coco is next to me and the baby is on my lap ...) but this life is only getting better. So as I reflect on the past I look forward with excitement and anticipation to the adventures ahead.
Oh cousin! I can so relate. I look back to when I didn't have my girls and God knows how much I love them but to be able to sleep in, go out with the girls for a night of dancing or as you said, to the bathroom...alone!
ReplyDeleteI remember one Saturday morning about 4 years ago. Grace was 5 yrs old and Cece was around 18 mos. Michael was at work. The girls had their breakfast, entertainment and now wanted a mid-morning snack. It was go, go, go all about them. My coffee was cold and I hadn't even had MY breakfast yet. I was on the verge of a mini melt down. So, I turned on Disney, poured myself a fresh cup of coffee and a bowl of cereal, walked in the 1/2 bathroom, shut and locked the door, sat on the toilet lid and "enjoyed" about 10 mins of ME time. I of course had the girls knocking on the door to get in but I just sat there... "Mommy will be right out!" It was wonderful!
And now, here I am 6 weeks(ish) from Laney's arrival and I find myself day dreaming of an entire day to just me and Michael, by a pool and enjoying a cocktail or two or three... Just an easy going carefree day.
I don't know a mother who doesn't love their children but remember and long for me time. It's our right to be able to have our time... Hey, I know...what about scheduling a cousins get-away?! Wouldn't that be wonderful!? I'm off to day dream about that now! LOL!
XO, Leah
I can completely relate. I had my own pity party/meltdown a couple of days ago in my kitchen, as my best friend tried to comfort me via skype. My children constantly NEED. Time, attention, answers to questions, correction, love, discipline, consistency, hugs, snuggles, laughing, reading books, food, drinks, diaper changes, an the list goes on..... The constantly physical and emotional outpouring leaves me totally drained. I miss myself. I really do. I have to fight to not lose sight of who I am. Being present helps me too. Focusing on all the MANY ways I am blessed right now. The older they get the easier it is to find small moments of me time to reconnect to god, peace, myself.
ReplyDeleteHey cousin! I love your idea of a getaway. Yes, sometimes I think we just need to give ourselves a time out! .. and to the other comment, thank you for sharing! I think that there is real comfort in knowing that other moms have the same thoughts! Thank you.
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