Monday, October 17, 2011

My Bi-racial Babies

Vivienne with me in the hospital holding Audrey 
Back in 2007, while pregnant with Vivienne, my sister had this fun idea to create a collection of stories from some of her friends and put it in a book for us.  She called it Mamalogues.  When she asked me to write something I felt like I had nothing really to write about.  She kept bugging me and one day I read something that inspired me to write.

Fast forward to now, three babies later.  I came across a blog Baby Making Machine I love it.  I found a section about bi-racial babies, since she (the author) is black & her husband is white.  She wrote and entry titled Perfectly Mixed, a little ironically on my youngest daughter's  birthday.  It is a beautiful post & brought tears to my eyes.  It also reminded me of my Mamalogue story, and so I thought I would share it with all of you.

My Bi-Racial Baby

A friend passed a copy of Parenting Magazine on to me since she had already read it.  There was an article about one mom's struggle with strangers asking what she called the question.  "Where did you get her?" The mom was blonde with blue eyes and the father was of Japanese decent.  In this instance, "the question" referred to her daughter's heritage which left the mother feeling angry, insecure and frustrated.  She sought the advise of child therapists who recommended several strategies for either avoiding the question or short, rude quips for responding to it.  After I read this article, I was hit with the reality that soon I would be the mother of a bi-racial and bi-cultural child.  I am American / Caucasian my husband is French / Black.  For several days I wondered in silence if I was up to the task.  This author had brought up so many points as to her duty to protect her daughter from the "evils" of the inquiring world.  What would I do when someone hurt my baby with a racial comment.  Then, I thought about the universal struggle that all girls have: to fit in and be happy with the features that God gave them.  This transcends race and culture.  My mom reminded me that I cried because I hated my freckles.  I wanted curly hair; mine was straight.  I wanted slender hips; mine were curvy.  The list goes on.  I realized that my job as my babies' mom is to create in her a sense of pride in who she is.  If people ask "the question" I will respond with a huge smile and say, "She looks like her Daddy.  He was born in Nigeria."  I believe that if I am angered by this innocent inquiry, then I am teaching my children to be ashamed of her differences, or that I am not proud of her.  Her father is the most amazing friend, husband & father, and I am proud to have his children.  Children and adults can sometimes be cruel.  If she is made fun of at some point because of her looks, well ... weren't we all?  I need to remember this when I give her a big hug and remind her how much I love her.
Audrey & I ... photo taken by Vivienne.  My 4 year old. 

Would love your thoughts ... comments welcome.


  1. That was beautiful. Just as beautiful as your babies! Thank you for sharing.
    Michelle Dibb

  2. Great post!! When my daughter Claire was about 3 months old, I got the question, "where did you get her?" I was so shocked by the question that I just spit out something like "she is mine." I cried the entire way home. After mentioning this to a group of moms one day, one of the moms suggested that I come back with just as rude comments and to not take it personally. So I started to make a game out of it. But always out of ear shot of my kids. Now that Claire is 6, I think the blogger has a great point, I don't want Claire to feel any shame. I will say the same thing, she looks like her dad. However, since Kingsley is only 3, if I get the question, I may still have a little fun with it!! :-)


  3. Thanks for the comments ladies (HA! both Michelle) I get "are they yours?" a lot. The BEST (or worst?) was "Do they have the same dad?" Now, that one REALLY got me!! It was a clerk in a store! But I think she was a little "off" since the first question was "Are those two (V - 2 1/2 & C 1) twins?" ... the thing is, you don't know where that other person is coming from. Maybe they are thinking of adopting & just assume you have too ;)

  4. I didn't get to comment earlier because I read this on my phone but I again wanted to tell you how beautiful this post is! I agree, we just want to do the best we can and raise them to be proud and confidant in who they are. I know you will and are doing a fabulous job!

  5. What a great post! Thanks for sharing.

  6. So funny! I just had this very same conversation with my sis a couple of hours ago. Now I come across your post and I think some kind of divine intervention led me to your site. I have a bi-racial daughter as well and I think about this stuff all the time. I tell Princess I love her every day and that she's beautiful. Great post!

  7. I checked out your blog & joined ... crazy w/ morning here in CA but excited to read your posts. Can I steel your daughter? OH MY so adorable!! I am glad you like the posts. I look forward to reading yours. -Laura

  8. Thank you for this. My daughter is the spitting imagine of her dad and when I am alone with her I always get "the little girl you babysit is so cute" it drives me the wall. Seriously people.
    I've tried to not show how much it bugs me, but sometimes I want to smack someone. LOL
    At least I have you guys to share this with now! :)

  9. Waу coοl! Some ехtremely valіd
    pointѕ! I apρreсiate you penning this artіcle ρlus
    the гest of the site іs аlsо veгy good.

    Ηеrе іs my sіte ... how to make money buying and selling cars for profit

  10. These are in fact imprеssivе ideaѕ in regarding blogging.

    You have tоuched some fastidious thingѕ
    hеre. Any waу keeр uρ

    Also vіѕit my ωеb page ::
    make money buying and selling cars

  11. First of all I woulԁ liκe to say awesome blog!
    I had a quicκ questіοn іn which Ӏ'd like to ask if you do not mind. I was interested to find out how you center yourself and clear your thoughts before writing. I have had a tough time clearing my thoughts in getting my ideas out. I truly do take pleasure in writing however it just seems like the first 10 to 15 minutes are usually lost just trying to figure out how to begin. Any recommendations or hints? Kudos!

    Also visit my blog;

  12. Thank you a bunсh for shaгing this with all of us yοu really knoω
    what you're speaking approximately! Bookmarked. Kindly also visit my site =). We can have a hyperlink change contract between us

    Review my homepage seo dallas texas

  13. Hi thегe! This article couldn't be written much better! Looking through this post reminds me of my previous roommate! He continually kept preaching about this. I'll forωаrԁ
    this post to him. Faiгly cеrtain he's going to have a good read. Thank you for sharing!

    my website ... uptown homes for rent