Buy or Bake

Ok moms ... your four year old is having their class party & you volunteer to bring cookies for the kids to decorate. So here's the question:

Do you buy the cookies or bake the cookies?  My husband, the chef, says buy.  The kids are 4 & won't know the difference.  I say bake - I (and the other moms) will know the difference.  You gotta bake. 

I know this opinion is because of my mom who ONLY baked & even sewed all of our holiday dresses.  I couldn't look her in the eye if I bought.  Maybe that is the main reason.

What's your opinion?

It takes a village - I admit it!

Years ago, before I paid attention to politics, then First Lady Hillary Clinton wrote a book, It Takes A  Village.  I remember the controversy surrounding this book & what it implied, but I didn't really care at the time.

Now that I am a mom, I have much more appreciation and knowledge as to what is actually involved in raising a child.   I realize, it does take "a village".   I wonder, why as moms, so many of us don't acknowledge or thank our supportive "villages"?  We all see the interviews of the Hollywood mom who got back into shape just three months after the birth of her baby.  She just smiles as she is asked, "How did you do it?" and replies about working out three hours a day with a really tough trainer.  I am thinking, with a newborn ... I was happy getting three solid hours of SLEEP!!  Why do so few admit they have 24 hr nannies, cooks, housekeepers etc ... so they can do these things?  (Did you know there is a thing called a night nurse who is a night time nanny that brings your baby to you to breast feed & then takes the little angel away after they are done so you can go back to sleep???)

Vivienne & Coco playing with friends

In this season of Thanksgiving, I am saying THANK YOU to my support.  My village.  I don't do it all with out a lot of help, and even with help fall short in so many areas.  I have parents who babysit, drive, and cook for me & my family A LOT.  Many a phone calls have been made by me saying, "Can you please be here in 15 minutes to take the girls to school today? ... " I have grandmothers who offer to come by and babysit just so I can "get things done".  I have an amazing babysitter who gives me peace while I am away.  I have a husband who is extremely involved in the care of our children.  There are countless ways that I have been blessed with an amazing support system.

So, today .... I say THANK YOU and admit .... I can't do it all!

Some of my village!

Birth & Baby Fair in 3 days ... with several "wrenches" thrown in

You know the saying, "it threw a wrench in my plans"?  Well, this week seems to be full of wrenches, but the more I think about it ... these wrenches are just part of my life.

I wish I could write that in three days I will be attending the Birth and Baby Fair and that this week leading up to it has been productive and smooth sailing.  100% focused on my business.  But then, there is reality.  I am a mom with a part time job.  I am a wife, housekeeper, gardener, taxi driver, secretary, and cook.  I also am new to this business world and there is a lot of hands on learning.  On top of that, I have a daughter who models.

This week has been one unexpected thing after another!   I am feeling very confident about the fair coming up on Sunday.  My friend & I are working out all of the details of our booth.  We are both very excited of the opportunities this will present to us as well as finally getting out there & selling or stuff!!  There are some last minute things I need to get done, and am using each moment to try & do them.

But like all good well planed schedules, things are going to go out of whack.  As of Monday, my Thursday was clear except for taking the kids to / from school.   Friday & Saturday I work at night, but still have the days to get things done.  Then, on Tuesday, we got a call from Vivienne's agent.  She was going to be submitted for a commercial.  Yesterday, we got the call the audition is for tomorrow (today) at 4:40 in San Francisco.  So much for my afternoon.  And now the babysitter scramble starts.  (Thank GOD for retired grandpa!)

I got some errands done after dropping Vivienne off at school (a 30 minute each way commute) and the went to pick her up.  As I pull out of the school lot I get a call "can you pick up your grandma at the hairdresser?  She is ready now."  I can't say no.  This is my dad.  My in a pinch emergency babysitter, but man, it's 12:30 & I have three kids ready for lunch.  I am 30 minutes from home, and the hairdresser is 10 minutes out of my way.  "SURE!! No problem!"  I go to pick up grandma & she tells Vivienne that the children's choir missed her last night.  I had totally forgot about Vivienne's choir practice on Wednesdays.  Then she asks if we can stop at a store or bank.  "SURE!"  I say.  Then I hear, "but Mommy, I have to go potty!"

Get home at 1:30 to feed the kids & be out the door by 3 to head to SF.

We are in the middle (or near the end) of refinancing our house & the loan processor emails ... she needs things faxed before they can progress further.  Another email informs me it is back to school "day" on Saturday at 10, no kids please.  

Fast forward to the audition.  We sit down & I look at the sign in sheet:  "Shoot is in Los Angeles.  Please list any conflicts you have for the week of Oct 10."  WHAT???  Can I write L I F E ??  (Take note of this people who think it would be cool to have your kids in modeling or acting!)

We head home on BART, which has 20 minute delays.  At dinner time the phone rings.  It is my work.  My shift for tomorrow (you know the one I had to get two babysitters for, as well as juggle cars for so my babysitter could use my car & I could still get to BART, then my parents would have the right number of car seats when they took the kids .... etc) has changed to an hour an a half later so that now I have to drive to SF & the plan we had just worked out won't work.  

Oh, and the package I HAVE to have by Sunday for the fair that I called about & it was confirmed for today's delivery???  It couldn't be delivered because someone over 21 has to be here, but if I call by 7:00 pm (it is now 7:15) I could pick it up myself tomorrow since I won't be home tomorrow to sign for it either!   Thank goodness I called & they were able to set it up for me to pick up ... but guess what?  UPS opens at 1.  Really???  Opens at 1?

My husband called me from work about 15 minutes later as the chaos / screams / tantrums / tears / of bedtime for three over tired kids was underway.  He kindly reminded me that in a few years we'll miss all of this.   I had to laugh.  Yes, I probably will.

My little secret (one of them!)

Back in my single days, a good friend got me the book The_Fabulous Girl's Guide to Grace Under Pressure  It is a fun book with hundreds of examples of "sticky" situations and how to remain calm.  Most of the topics have to do with the life of a single social woman.  I loved it.  It made me laugh and also helped me out a few times.

Little did I know while reading it all those years ago (like 8 or 9) that I would use one of the tips for my youngest daughter's first birthday party.

You see, if you read this blog you know I love to be crafty.  I love to cook.  In my mind I can pull of a dinner party that would impress even Martha Stewart.  Unfortunatly, I don't have a staff or the money to hire a staff.  Instead, I have three kids ages (now) 4, 2, and 1.  So, when it comes to pulling off the ultimate "Martha would be proud" 1st birthday ... somthings get put off.  For me, it was the birthday cake.  It wasn't until the day before the party that I decided what kind of cake I was going to make.  I decided on chocolate w/ cream cheese frosting.  Of course from scratch.  Growing up, a cake mix cake was NEVER served at a birthday party.

For some reason, I had in my head that a three layer, 8 inch cake, would feed 20 adults and 20 kids.  As I made the cake the morning of the party my husband made a comment, something like .. that's not enough cake.  I looked at the cake & it hit me.  I don't have enough BIRTHDAY CAKE.

So, referncing my book ... I drove to the best baker in town, bought a second cake.  It was carrott cake (my brother's favorite.).  I pulled off the funky hard carrots that decorated the top & re-frosted it with my cream cheese frosting, then threw on some sprinkles.  Voila!

The key is, according to my book is you just go on like nothing happened.  It was suppose to be this way.  For example, if you accidently, burn your main course: get the burn smell out while calling the local Chinese restaurant that delivers.  Your guests are dining on Chinese tonight!  They'll never know that wasn't the plan!

I think they they figued it out too ... but these girls know where their bread is buttered.  They didn't tell either!

What is "doing it all?"

It has been four days since my last post.  I have been trying to post at least three times a week, which means no more than three days in between each post.  I am a mom, just started my own business, work outside my home 1 - 3 days a week, house cleaner, gardener, party planner and now even try to work out at the gym 5x a week.  There are a few other roles I assume as well, depending on the day (or minute).

I had an appointment this week with my doctor.   When you have had three kids in four years (almost to the day) you get to know your doctor, at least I have.  She asked how I do it all.  It is a question I get frequently when I catch up with people.  The truth is, I really wonder, what is "ALL" and what is the definition of "doing it" ? (OK, take your mind out of the gutter ...)

In school, you have assignments and upon completing that assignment you get a grade.   In life, there are no A's and F's.  There are no set parameters for what exactly your job assignment is.  I mean, being a mom requires giving birth or taking "ownership" of a child's life.  Other than that, the rest is up to the individual for the tasks they wish to take on.  Same goes for all of the other areas of life.  How clean is your house?  How well are you managing your finances?  Are you planning the "party of the year" for your baby's birthday or is it just another day?

This week, I was feeling overwhelmed.  For no particular reason either.  It wasn't THAT crazy of a week, in compared to others.  I realized there is no way, no matter my best efforts, that I will be 100% satisfied with all that I do all of the time.  There are just not that many hours in the day, and I do like my 7 hours of sleep at night.

I was working in my yard and looked at my potted plants.  With the summer heat, I don't water enough & we don't have a drip system for all of them.  The plants were half dead.  I felt like a failure.  But, instead of going out & buying more I laughed at myself.  I realized, who am I kidding?  Since we have moved into this house, every summer these plants have died, I get new ones and they die ... until fall / winter rains come.  So, I ripped out all of my potted plants & put the pots in the garage until fall.  It felt good.  It felt good to have one less thing on my plate that nagged at me every time I was in front of my house - GONE.  I now smile as I look at that area.

We try to do too much and then get upset when we feel we have "failed".  We have all shed tears, and given hugs or words of support with our friends when they are feeling overwhelmed too.  I believe we need to give ourselves a little, no, a lot of grace, and a lot of pats on the back for doing the best we can ... which is some days just getting food in the kids mouths and changing a few diapers.   Sometimes, we need to admit that there are things we just can't do.  Do you have half dead flowers that need to be ripped out?  Lighten you load.  Ask for help, or say no.  Sometimes, that is the best thing you can do.  Most of all, give your self some grace.

I would love to hear about ways that you overcame the "doing it all" feeling or something you did to lighten your load?  What helps you?