Tantums!!

Today was tantrum day.  I think it is a full moon or close to it.

Coco 2 1/2 was the first one.  We had to go pick up Vivienne from school & she didn't want to.   So, what did she do?  Throw a tantrum.  This was a good one too, lasting about 40 minutes.  It started with her flailing on the floor in the living room.  I got Audrey into the car, and came back for Coco.  (Strategy: get the "easy" ones secured in the car first.)  Had to carry her shoes, no putting those on ... one more battle I didn't want to add.

I got her in the car (we are now running about 5 minutes late.).  She wants to buckle herself in her car seat now and I usually let her.  It takes a little while, but it takes me time to get the other two buckled in, driveway gate open etc.  This time though, she was still "upset" and taking too long.  So, I tell her I will count to three and if she hasn't done the buckle, I'll buckle it.  Well, there are three buckles & I had to do each one.  Can you say FURIOUS!?!  She went hysterical!  Thrashing, screaming and crying.   What is she screaming you ask?  "I WANT UP!!!"  Now, remember, I am already late for my pick up of Vivienne at school.  There is no pulling over to hold her and besides, I am not going to reward this behavior.  SO, I tell her I can hold her when we get to the school, but now we have to get Vivienne.  Turned on some classical music and drive.

I learned early on to be at peace during these tantrums.  I can only control myself, and my behavior.  If I have a "tantrum" too ... I solve nothing.

We got to Vivienne's school 15 minutes later & Coco was still screaming!  I got Vivienne & then came around and took Coco out to hold her for a minute ... hopefully calm her down a bit.   Worked for a minute, then I had to put her back in the car.  She throws a "minor" tantrum about having to get back in her seat.  She buckled herself in though (I did have to count again) and we were on our way.  She was asleep 5 minutes late & peace was restored.

What do you find works when your kids act like this (or do they?)  Do you have strategies for stopping this type of behavior?  I'd love to hear it!

Terrible Two's

For those of you who haven't experienced the terrible twos, you are blessed.  Some kids, apparently, don't have them.  Others are worse than mine as well, I have heard.  But, regardless, here I am.  Round two of terrible twos.

It's a good thing they're cute at this age!!

I think they are kind of like childbirth.  Once it is over, you remember the good parts and kind of forget the "bad" parts, until you are in the middle of it again.  Even then for me I think, wait, it wasn't this bad last time ... or was it?

My middle daughter is a screamer.  She always has been.  There is a scene in the movie Sex in the City when Charlotte says about her daughter, "All she does is cry!"  I felt her pain.  Now, at almost 2 1/2 my daughter has abandoned most crying and has turned to blood curdling screams.

Yesterday, she did not want to go to bed for a nap.  She was so tired, but nap time was not an option.  We had friends over for a play date (of course!) which made the situation even more fun.  The other thing is while she is screaming, if I am holding her, she is hitting or kicking.  Now mind you, she is a little thing ... but still.

So, for 20 minutes, my friend, her kids, and my kids watched as I put #2 back in her crib about 5 times .... all while she was SCREAMMMMING.   Literally, after 15 she almost lost her voice.  I stayed calm, cool, and collected and eventually after a drink of water (her) she wore herself out & went to sleep.

At one point, I went down and asked my friend, "Honestly, what would you do??" because at that point as a mom I wonder WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE???  Is this the make it or break it point?  What would Super Nanny say??  Am I totally screwing up my kid??? or At what point in her therapy at age 16 is this going to come up?

Any thoughts on terrible twos out there?  Love to hear them?  Have you bypassed them, had the child who never had a tantrum? ...  I don't want to hear from you. ;)

Our Road Trip! (my Travel Tips)

Just truned 3, Vivienne already a travel pro ...

Being married to a person from France, travel will always be a part of our life.  By the time Vivienne was 2 1/2 she had flown to France twice, Portland, Atlanta and Los Angeles from San Francisco.  Her first trip, and my first trip with a baby occurred when she was 8 weeks when she and I flew alone to France.  The pediatrician told me at 8 weeks it would be the easiest time I ever traveled with a child.  Now that she is almost four, I know he was right!

As she got older, and I had more kids to deal with, I got more and more travel savvy with the help of many friends and family who offered their tips for a trip as successful and painless as you can hope for.

This past weekend, my travel skills were tested with a road trip to Los Angeles with the three girls and my mom.  It was going to be a quick trip for my nephew's 4th birthday.  Down and back in three days.

First things first.  The best tip I got was from a good friend who told me to pack a bag of small "treats" for each kid to be given out along the way.  Small toys / books, you know the $1 - $3 stuff.

GREAT travel toy!  No mess!!

The etch a sketch was a huge hit on all of our trips.  From 18 mos on, the girls love using it.  This trip my mom also brought little chalk boards.  Vivienne used hers for a long time.  We had an IPad, IPhone, a lot of books and another must - tons of food.

Another great travel activity ... coloring fun no mess!!

Car travel is different than air travel in that when a little one gets antsy, there is no getting up and walking around.  You have to stop.  This is where the patience of those adults on the trip is tested.

I went to school in LA & have made many road trips to and from San Francisco.  I had the trip down to 5 hours, with one stop for gas.  This trip, it took 7 1/2 hours each way.

I did some research on "kid friendly" stops, and really couldn't find much for our route, until you get to the base of the grapevine.  There is a blog called http://pitstopsforkids.com/  which has a bunch of travel tips.  I discovered that 1 1/2 - 2 hours was the maximum amount of time we could go before someone lost it.  Our first stop was in Santa Nella.  You know, Anderson's Pea Soup.  Perfect timing for a pit stop   especially when dealing with a 4 year olds bladder.   We didn't stop to eat.  I am not a fan of sitting in a restaurant on a road trip.  I am not a fan of going to a sit down resatuant w/ three kids under 4 at any time, but espcially when the point of a pit stop is to get that energy out.  Anderson's has a huge, clean bathroom.  Nice diaper changing table.  There is also a toy / candy shop when you walk in, so beware of that.  My girls are good with playing with all of the fun stuff but don't throw fits when we walk out with nothing.  I usually say oh you want that?  Pick it up & then when they look at the other thing they "have to have" I put the first toy down.  There is a little grassy area with a photo op (cut out of people making soup) for a fun excuse to run around.

Back in the car for another hour and a half.  My kids who normally sleep in cars (especially the baby) were WIDE awake for this trip.  I am so glad I had my mom to switch out books, pass back snacks and retrieve the numerous "lost" pacifiers.  Our next stop was one of the multiple exits that boasts a McDonalds.  Now, we had packed so much food there was no need to stop for lunch, but it was time to fill the gas tank.  I took the opportunity to get two Happy Meals (for the toys) and use the restroom.  So many of these stops there is no where to have the kids run around, and two of the rest stops were closed.  

Naps came about an hour after that stop and the rest of the trip was about as uneventful as we could have hoped.  

The trip back proved to be much more, shall we say, eventful.  

Leaving LA (near Ontario) at 9:30, we hit a little LA traffic.  We stopped an hour later in Ventura to get gas.  Coco & Audrey were out.  I had hoped to stop on the other side of the grapevine.  I have heard that there is a great park w/ picnic tables and large areas to run around.  I was not about to wake the kids though!!

We stopped in Buttonwillow for lunch.  It was now 12:30 and we needed a break.  Again, I opted for the McDonald's ... in hopes the toy could buy 30 minutes of "good kids".  The McD's here has a small grass area in front & we played red light / green light for about 10 minutes to encourage the girls to run.   Our next stop, 2:00 Harris Ranch.  We didn't stop to eat, but to play in the courtyard.  They have a huge fountain as well as tables and chairs to sit.  It is well shaded and a nice little place to rest.  Also, for other people the gift shop ;) Nice clean bathrooms too.

ok w/ Coco who went into a massive 2 year old tantrum.  We tried everything we could w/ out stopping.  45 minutes later I whipped out the benadrill, and 15 minutes later ... she was still screaming.  We pulled the car over, my mom (no, she didn't want me.) held her for about 5 minutes while she calmed down.   I got into the drivers seat and away we went.

Along this route there is a neat radio station that plays song from the 40's & 50's.  1330 FM.  Talk about kid friendly radio!  It is fun to hear the songs too.

We arrived back into Concord at 5:30 pm.  400 miles, 8 hours ... I survived.  I think it is kind of like childbirth, you just have to get through it & then you forget how bad it was so you'll want to do it again. I really should have plotted out the rest stops, and will do that next time!  My mom brain totally spaced on those.  Now, your turn.  I would love to hear your travel tips!  What worked for you?  Any must have travel items?  Let me know!

We're going to the park, Damn it!

School is out.  This is my first year of "summer vacation" since I was in school over 15 years ago.  I forgot what it felt like.  The anticipation of no schedule.  The luxury of not having to be out the door by 8:30 am.  What I didn't realize with small kids though, is with summer vacation brings hours of unscheduled time.  For those of you moms out there ... yes, you know, that means chaos.

I decided that we would fill our summer with many park trips, play dates and a few day trips.  Tuesday was day one.  A simple trip to Walnut Creek City Park.  It is a really cool park, a lot of grass and trees as well as a fun playground complete with water / sand area.  Now, this seems like it should be no big deal.  For nine months now, we have been out the door and on time to school by 9 am.  Some days have their drama, but not too bad.  SO why today, when we are going to the park for FUN do I get this???

Coco behind the couch thrashing and screaming

she didn't want shoes on ...

Even Audrey was throwing a fit before we left!!

I did it though ... I got out the door, calm, cool and collected.  Inside I was dying to scream out, "Will you SHUT UP??  We are going to the park, DAMN IT!!!"  I know, however that will do little good.  It really only makes things worse.  So into the car we went ... and off to the park.

Once we got there all was right with the world.  The girls hit the swings.  A must for the Magu girls.  The playground wasn't of interest to them though.  They kind of walked around the structures.  Vivienne went down a slide a few times.  Then they spotted it.  A mud puddle.  

The girls had so much fun running through it, how could I say no??  I don't think the other moms appreciated it.  There were several other kids who wanted to join in but weren't allowed.  I even got a great shot of Colette!  My little miss "just try and take my picture".

So just a reminder to all of you moms out there .... just when you think the world is full of fits, screams, and tantrums ... go to the park, damn it.

My name is Fred.

I have decided I am no longer responding to mom.  I will only respond to Fred.   This person "mom" who is being asked for 1000 times a day no longer lives in my home.

My middle daughter has just really gotten into her terrible two's.  My oldest will be 4 in August, and it sure didn't take me long to forget what the terrible twos were all about.  I think it is kind of like giving birth.  After the fact, you don't think it was as painful as it was ... until you go through it again.

For some reason, I was thinking this sweet little girl would just skip the fussy, whiny, and temper tantrum stage and keep being the cutie pie she is (or was).  Nope.  For the last week I have had a new child.  You know the one.  At breakfast she wants toast with peanut butter.  It is placed in front of her & she cries because she really wanted toast with just butter.  But wait, she wants MY toast with butter, not a new piece for her.  On our 45 minute commute for her sister's school, nothing is right.  She is crying because ... WHY??? ... for reasons only she knows.  "Momma, momma, momma, mom, mom, mom, mommy, mommy NO MOMMY NO!!!" .... Then, five minutes later, her world is a wonderful place.  She has just seen a school bus & yells "BUS!!!!" and forgets that she was upset.  So is the life of a two year old.

Who is incharge?

I was very blessed when my oldest was born to find a pediatrician who was an "expert" on kids & a God-sent for first time moms & dads.  Are you asking, aren't all pediatricians experts on kids?  No, I don't think so.  Let me explain.  He was (as far as I could calculate) 80 years old.  He was confident and very good at helping guide new moms and dads.  He had these "cheat sheets" that he would hand out at each appointment.  They gave you in site into what you would be experiencing during that time frame and advise on how to handle it.  He also gave out his home numbers for you to call in the mornings if you had questions.  These sheets were honest and realistic.  I remember one that said (at 18 mos - 2 yrs) something like ... there are times you may not like your child ... . Or the newborn sheet given at the initial consultation that said your new born may be "ugly" (well, he didn't use THAT word, but did tell you it may not be this beautifully shaped glowing white smooth skinned baby you see in the movies.)  When I  read these sheets I felt as though he had a hidden camera in my apartment and was giving tips just for us.

I also loved the nurse's advise when both my husband & I came for the first newborn appointment.  She told us that moms and dads parent differently.  Different doesn't mean wrong and we need to respect the differences.

Around the 15 - 18 month appointment the Dr asked me if my daughter was doing anything I didn't like.  At the time she was really fighting me while I was changing her diaper.  I told him that.  He asked what did I want?  I said I wanted her to lay still while I changed her.  His advise was that when she would squirm & try to roll I should (in a deep, stern voice) tell her no and hold her still.  She would get the point.  The next check up, same question.  This time I had a good one!  (Little did I know terrible twos starts about 18 months!!) She "refused" to get in her stroller for our walk home from the park.  Now, at this time, I was about 5 months pregnant living in San Francisco in a 4 story walk up, on the top floor.  We were a mile away from the park, and yes, I had to walk up a hill on the way home.  So, this time, I carried her and pushed the stroller.  The Dr's advise.  Buy a bungee cord, put her in the stroller and tell her (in the firm but calm voice) she was going to stay in the stroller until we got home.  The next park visit she threw another tantrum.  A huge one.  I buckled her in & told her she was staying put.  I had drawn my line in the sand.  The rest of the way home she would do everything in her power to get me to budge.  As far as she was concerned. we were at war and she was going to win.  Little did she know, the Dr had warned me of this.  When you pick a battle, he said, you have to win.  If you don't want to win, don't start the battle.  He told me children will make themselves pass out, throw up and just about anything else to get you to give in.

I think that walk home resulted in several conversations among observers about the possibility of never having children.  She screamed like I had never heard.  Tried to throw herself out of the stroller.  Kicked,  and hit ... but I didn't give in.  And ... you know what.  I won.  That battle was over.  I can honestly say we never had a major fit regarding the stroller again.

I had a mom tell me today that she wasn't able to brush her daughter's hair.  Her (3 year old) wouldn't let her.  She said she assumed I never had that problem as she can tell I spend a lot of time on my girls hair in the morning.  I told her, that we have "that" problem about 1 - 2 times a week, but if I don't brush their hair it just gets worse and worse, so I ignore the screams and brush through the falling down and crying. There are days I do give up and say forget it ... but not too often.  It's a battle I pick and win.  The hair gets brushed.

There are battles I choose not to have.  My oldest has picked out her clothes and dressed herself since she was 2.  She has her own unique style and that's OK with me.  I know moms who don't have this option for their child.

The point is, sometimes we as moms need to be reminded, who is in charge?  When we say our child "refuses xyz" are we really thinking about what it will be like at 13 or 14 and they refuse.  I think, that if you start winning battles now, there won't be as many as they get older.  I hope not at lease.  I think we will also have practice saying no and meaning it.  I think children are looking for a parent who is in charge.  They start testing us early on.  If they are out of our control at 2, why do we think they will be easier to handle during those teenage years?  No, I'm starting now.  It isn't fun.  It is HARD, especially emotionally.  In the moment the battle happens I think so many times it would be easier to give in to my daughters ... but in the long run it will be much harder.

Remember moms, you're bigger, stronger and you can do it.