Wednesday, September 21, 2011

How many children is "enough"?

Yesterday I had my annual check up at my OBGYN.  Not the most pleasant thing to do, but when you've had three babies in three years, you get to know the doctor, office, and staff pretty well.   I have had my Dr for about 6 years.  She is in San Francisco, and though I live about an hour away, I will keep her as long as I can.

As I sat in the waiting room yesterday I felt a little sad.   My husband & I have decided three girls is enough.  There is still a little desire inside of me, however, to have another baby.   As I looked around the waiting room I saw 4 women who were visibly pregnant.  For me, that was such a special time.   I really enjoyed being pregnant.  The feeling of holding your baby for the first time is priceless.   (The six months of sleep deprivation that follows .... not so much)

I know many people struggle with the thought of "how many kids should we have".  We all have our own reasons for stopping (or not stopping).  I have talked to people who say, "We wanted one (or two, three) and then that was it!"  They don't seem to waver.  I don't have a number, though I thought I would be fine with three .... four just sounds nice.  It just isn't realistic for us.  Maybe this is the reason I am struggling with the idea of stopping at three.  Even my Dr mentioned that she didn't feel I was 100% done.  How many kids do you have?  Why did you decide to stop?  Do you still "want" more, but won't because of "logical" reasons that override feelings?


  1. I have one daughter and I think my boyfriend and I have settled on having one more. Although in my mind for some reason I keep seeing myself with three kids. For now, I think right now my mind set is, "two is what we want but if another one happens, I don't mind."
    My daughter was never planned, and we had long conversations whether to keep her or not because I'm very young and still getting my life together. It wasn't realistic then, but now that she is here everything is perfect and we make everything work. I think you make things work, reguardless of the circumstances. :)

  2. Laura- I have a THING with the number 3. Most everything I do in my life is in 3s. I don't think my husband even wanted kids before we were married. We have two- and he was fully on board (I think) when I decided it was time. Now I have been hell bent on having that 3rd baby. I told him on Mother's Day that I am giving him 6 months to either agree or I will not bring it up again. He is not very keen on the idea which sort of slays me, seeing that he basically does the fun stuff while I do everything else and I don't ask him for anything.... We just went through attic stuff and I was putting up the heirloom cradle that my dad handmade for me. I asked him, "SHould I donate my pump?" Because he knows I have been holding on to certain things, knowing that I am aching for another baby. He told me I should donate it, which pretty much has given me the answer to my request. I am still grieving/processing this reality. Don't get me wrong, I am so very grateful for my two perfect little ones. I just know my heart is not full to the top and don't get why he doesn't seem to have room to love one more little person. I still have a few more months to cling to hope but I don't think I am going to win this one....
    Michelle Dibb

  3. So many thoughts / emotions on this issue!! Thanks for being so honest & sharing your thoughts ladies.